darkholme

The eve of New Year's Eve update

Hello everyone, it's the eve of New Year's Eve... well, not really, it's already New Year's Eve now since it's 2am.

** We interrupt this blog post to bring you this newsflash **

Ok, I'm going to write this now cos it just happened. I was supposed to go to Zouk (well, Phuture) tonight for the Breakinasia 2nd anniversary party, but my other party ended quite late, so we decided to abandon it. Now, one of my friends, who was supposed to be at the other party calls up asking if we're going down to Zouk! !@#!#!$. Grrr... Now in discussion with The God (Zac) to figure out if we're still going down. But it's fricking 2am, so I seriously doubt it.

** Back to your normal insane blog post from Kelvin **

Tonight, I managed to organise a really really really last minute gathering of the VJC 13th Students' Council and it turned out to be one of the best turnouts so far. Partly cos Mei Ann is back in Singapore for holiday. These are the people who turned up at one point in time or another:

Teck Loon, Dino, Wei Lee, Zhengshao, Mei Ann, Graham (Mei Ann's boyfriend), Tong Teck, Val Yeo, Brendon, Wei Lee, Eng Eng, Dean, Govind, Ivy, Delphine, Amelia, Val Lai and me.

Nelson was supposed to turn up, but he didn't and called me at 2am to ask if I was going to Zouk.

It was really fun catching up with everyone, especially those people that I have not spoken to or met in the longest time. But for some reason, I felt tired and at some points in time, I was reflecting and I felt lonely.

Now, Daphne's away in the US to see her sis, so I've been trying to fill up my schedule, so I don't feel too lonely. But I realised this week, after she left, that I have very transient friendships. Not that I don't treasure the relationships that I have with my friends now. It's just that I have this idea that everyone has friends or groups of friends which they are really close to. Some of my colleagues have a bunch of friends that they hang out with once a month, at least. This is a small, close group of girlfriends or for guys, soccer buddies.

For me, I realise that I have two problems:
1. I don't have really really close male friends. Not the kind that you call and go for beers together on a weekly or monthly basis. So I don't have a guy gang - if you can call it that. Most of my close friends are female - for example Claire.

2. Expanding on the first problem - I don't have a closed group of friends. I have lots of friends, from JC, from Council, from army, from work, from my ex-company, from my primary school. But I realise that these groups are sort of transient. Maybe transient is not the right word, but it's not like we meet up on a regular basis. It's usually to celebrate an event (weddings, most recently), or to meet up cos one member of these circles is back in Singapore from abroad.

Now, I don't know if I'm being paranoid or overly idealistic, but I'm a bit worried that I don't have this close group. I have this feeling that most people do have a close group, but I can't be sure. Anyway, what this has led to is that I have lots of friends, but not a specific close group. This may or may not be bad. But it's a little bad when it comes to holidays, because my various groups of friends will not think of me immediately, when they are organising activities.

What this does mean is that today, on New Year's Eve, I will probably be alone. And I feel a little sad. This is not a meant to be a sob story and trying to get your pity. It's just my thoughts and feelings. And it's also not meant to guilt any of you reading. And I dunno if I would feel good being invited at the last minute to anything either. Not that I don't appreciate the thought. Thanks to many who have offered already (thanks Dino who doesn't read this blog). It's actually a greater issue - that I don't have a closed circle of friends.

I guess it wouldn't be too bad if Daphne was here. Cos I'd be spending it with her. However, I was just thinking that it also might be good to spend some time to myself, to reflect on the year that has just passed and decide what I want to do for the coming year and the rest of my life.

Have you ever felt that you have so many friends, but still feel alone?

Am I being overly sensitive? A cry baby? A whiner? Too idealistic? A lone tree?



Image courtesy of stock.xchng (www.sxc.hu), photo "Lone Tree" uploaded by sarahsbleu.

Updated on 31 Dec 06 - 3.13am:
Am I suffering from festive blues?

Festive blues hit many at year-end period
By Asha Popatlal, Channel NewsAsia | Posted: 30 December 2006 2347 hrs

SINGAPORE : It's the time to eat, cheer and make merry - not quite for some.

While traditionally a time for celebration, this year-end period however, rings hollow for some as they end up with a case of the festive blues.

36-year-old John suffers from a serious illness while his marriage is in trouble.

And he says the festive season does not help.

"The contrast is stark, especially when everybody is happy. You feel like, why is everybody happy except me? Where is my share of happiness? And then you start to feel that you may not be worthy," says John.

But amidst all this festive gaiety, it's not just people like "John" who feel down.

Counsellors say even those without obvious problems sometimes get the blues at this time, especially if they have gone through a recent loss like death or divorce.

"Festivities are a time of gathering. The isolation and loneliness make them a little bit more depressed than normal. They look out and see couples walking in the shopping centre, and the TV is showing family Christmas shows so they feel like they are losing out," explains Veronica Nathan, Assistant Senior Counsellor at Tanjong Pagar Family Service Centre.

Dr Chua Hong Choon, chief of Department of General Psychiatry at the Institute of Mental Health agrees: "The festive period suggests that you have to meet up and make merry with friends and family. If you have no one to meet and make merry with, that puts you at risk for feeling down and depressed."

On the other hand, sometimes, meeting people can also be a trigger for festive depression.

"There may be some people like family, friends or acquaintances that you just can't get along with. And you find yourself in a situation where you must be nice to the person, say the right things and make each other feel happy. That sometimes can be quite pressurising," says Dr Chua.

In fact, a 2003 study in the United Kingdom found that festive depression figures can hit as high as one in two people.

Although there has been no equivalent study done in Singapore, the Institute of Mental Health says while the phenomenon does exist here, it's mild in comparison. And community helplines are able to handle most of the issues.

Counsellor Veronica Nathan says helpline calls to her Tanjong Pagar Family Service Centre increase by 30 percent at this time.

The Samaritans of Singapore reports a similar figure

posted by kelvin @ 2:12 am